THing oN My MinE

all i want for christmas is
digital camera, a shot gun, bullets, a boyfriend,etc etc etc, oh ya and a free live from THEM >:@....

I SWEAR to GOD, if i get anymore SOAP for christmas this year,i will kill anyone who sends it to me....
OMG HAPpY EaRlY BirthDAY Bella.... 18YRS YAHHHHHH


im very bored lately, and i have lost all sense of time, so if ur online and i am too.... talk to me for i am goddamn bored and i need something that is interesting happening in the outside world...lol

Current Mood: dirty

wow, haven't been on here for months
it isn't been because ive been busy, i just damn well forgot about it all

well lets see what i can say have happen to me the past 4-5 months

1. still boyfriendless, this is driving me more crazy.... i really don't count internet dudes as a boyfriend even thou one's really hot
2. move out of that other apartment far away from anything important (quebec side)
3. finally graduating this summer '05, i'm getting out of LCI finally and into another shitty school system
4. still jobless
5. on the verge in killing a few friends for their stupidy in life and who flant it around
6. night school :)faster in getting out of school
7. still like same guys, one new, which is Kev, Mohwak boy friend and sorta mine too.... wow thats so supsectived of me to do
8. have become a home lonier, :( miss u Bella...
9. i suck at hitting on someone
10. getting desparte into passing mr.T (dont ask) G.A class, i'm will to fuck him...lol
11. i've seem to become more of a bitch then ever
12. i have met many losers, idiots, weirdos (the not so fun type) etc, that they all end up w we all know who
13. oh, im so called pregnant w Ted's baby (God only know how) and that i'm 5 months along now... this is the time women usely feel the kid moving, well i guess its dead in there for nothing moves
14. and i want to forever dress up in my halloween costume, it looks so damn good on me that it actually natural
15. i could go on, but i dont remember most shit the past few months, and are barely even important

Current Mood: pms

well oh k.... summmer has been a bore since Bella left (miss u alot)
and i dont know what to do....
i dont understand my friends anymore, all their wrong decisions they make, the plans we make.... which they cancel on me cause they have no good reason y...

for example Roxanne:
she's been lying to all her friends that shes been two years older then all of us, but for a fact, i am again, the oldest out of the gang. Since March, we were making plans for her to come up to ottawa for a few weeks to have a different summer experience. But now, shes backing out, all because she lost her job (one first day) and got no money, then she was like her father wont let her, then something to do w her boyfriend.... i really hate her boyfriend, only reason shes still with him is that stupid tarot card reading (which i dont do well, says he's her love life parther) and that he pays for all the shit she wears or owns. i'm sorry to say, shes a hyper active wenguj and a money hog.

then there's tabitha:
im sorry your birthday didnt go all that well, im shock that u care, u never did before

i can go on, about all my friends, but i dont care to say more.


oh, cory HAPPY EARLY 17th Birthday tomorrow

oh k, it taken me a long time to sit down and actual think of what to write in my lj.

well the past month ive gone to summer school in orleans, which is hell cause the kids r asses snobby whores, etc.

im actual wishing i stayed a loner in there. the girls and guy i sit and talk with are total childilh, even more the me. well the shell that holds these tiny group is cracking faster then melting ice on a stove. they are back stabing each other, liaring to each face, etc. and im just sitting back not bothering to fix. only one or two i dont mine, the others, i feel like im being stalked everywhere i try to go.

whatever, two-three days left there, and i dont have to bother seeing them again. im hoping i am going to at less 85% in the end of the course. ive gotten 80, but w that stupid summative, i may as be in the 50s.

this summer came and slowly leaving, im making plans for the future now, aint concrete, but its something to follow threw. i may have friends in lisgar this year or not, if i do, its great, and i dont, thats just plain shitty for me.

i miss all my friends, and i wish them good luck at college/university, by next summer i may be joining them at some far off school.

this year senoir year goddamn finally, i want to make it a blast, leave w sweeting parting time,i want to be remeber like i sort was in a previous school. next year fall, i;ll be a whole new freshmen, and i want to blow ppl minds on what i can accomplish, and that i actually have a brain under this childish act

whatever, oh, when summer schools done, im heading off back home to see the family. i was hoping to work, but they have it out for, i applied to late. crissakes i got to think about getting this stupid credit before i work. ill be gone for a few weeks and shit, so when i get back, ill end up being an out cast again from the group

i kinda got mad (dont remember about what) and mention to her some ppl in class was talking about her, the way she dresses, and i wont mention names, and she stormed off
i havent seen her on msn since then, and she took me off her LJ......
one thing i dont do is say names, i may have been wrong to tell her, but she does get my nerves, i usely dont say anything about it, i just had a small explorion then...... i dont see why i am in the fault, at least i said something then just letting her think things are peachy
i am sorry, but if a person gets upset about that, i dont know....
sorry again, but everyone talks about everyone, its sometimes good or bad, who cares..... its a person opinion, its not the greatest, but its a person opinion.... this is what they see on the outside
i am sure, that she talks about other ppl behind backs, i told her i talk about her at home during dinner, both bad and good, its just my word, i am sure she is a great person, well i know she is, but to few ppl, it seems she puts on a show
she gives out an attiude that she doesn't care what others say, but i am sorry EVERYONE cares what others say, its just in our human nature
really since i got to know ppl on rideau, i kind of learn not to care what anyone says, its their opinion, and its just another person opinion taht shouldn't affect what u do with yourself
my mom got mad at me for saying, and then she joked around to tell cory that it was her saying it..... she also believes not to say names, that just ta-o-taling
i am sure she is really mad at me for saying it, but it reality, i dont reget saying it, i regret that she takes it out on me, stop shooting the bird, shoot the sender, its easy to figure out!
she can piss me off some much, but i just suck it in and move on
come on please, i sound like a bitch for doing it and all, but i dont care, she sounds like a bitch when she say things that hurt me too, but its probably the truth

the closer a person is, the more u should relaize they talk about u.... even right now, i am talking about my friend myra, shes a fucking idoit... come on you get rape and do nothing about it, then u tell me, and expect me not to say anything about it or do anything, to keep my mouth shut... HELL NO....

From : myra flann <myra_tkd2003@hotmail.com>
Sent : June 15, 2004 11:38:23 PM
To : candyse_b@hotmail.com
Subject : OMG

| | | Inbox



hey, please don't tell anyone what i'm about to tell you, ok. so i went to tams 4 the weekend. the first night, after smoking up all day, we rented movies, k, then we all went to bed. i slept on the coach in the baby's bedroom. fell asleep till like 3:30am, tams boyfriend was in the babys room watching me sleep,it was so freaky, i heard him walking around me, i pretended to sleep because i thought maybe he would just go to bed after awhile. i was wearing fucken short shorts and a tank top. k, so he started touching my legs and .....i still faked sleeping but i was moving around for him to stop(thought he would be scared of me waking). then when it got to far, i pretended to wake up. i said "what r u doing, go to bed!" and he's like"go to sleep, i'm just waiting 4 the baby to wake up", i was like OMG he's crazy. i know the baby wasn't going to wake at that time. i went to pee, then went back to my bed. tams boyfriend (damein) sat by me and tried to take my bra off, then after that he tried rape me but i talked him out of it. i was saying that i would tell tammy and etc......and i promised that i wouldn't tell tams if he would stop, so then we both went to bed. OMG, this guy was trying to rape me.
candyse, like OMG, damion is cute to. fuck he acted like a animal. he was breathing really heavy and shaky. but the next day i didn't tell tams(i felt so bad). that night i slept over again because i had no drive home. when going to bed, damion followed me to my bed but i locked him out of the room. third day we all got fried out of ours minds!!!. that night i couldn't get a drive home again because damion unplugged the phone so my mom thought i was sleeping over again, i was to stoned to think of calling. that night every one did yetti's except 4 me. tammy told me that her and damion weren't going out, just fuck buddies. we all went to bed and i locked my door. i woke up with that thing by my bed watching me sleep again. i told him to go to bed but of coarse he didn't and raped me!!!!!!!!! so thats how i lost my virginity this morning! he begged me not to tell tams because of reasons . i said i was going to tell her. i didn't though, i know i should. fuck i have a huge bruise on my arm from that animal. i'm never going there for a long time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't tell anyone though. promise. i wonder how i make him so horney for me! anyways, i should charge the fucker but why go through all that trouble. i'll show u a pic of him later.

so hows your love life?

> me speaking
>> secret younger chrush
I just had to do it, if i didn't then i don't know if i would be able to do it ever.... heres the conversation that, i think, brought me doom, and a load of my shoulders
Should have i done it??? what do u think??
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>hello?
>>yo
>i want to know, what would u think of me, if i said i have a crush on u?....theorically......
>>huh i dont know
>oh k....nvm
>>*awcward cough* ...were still cool... right?
>ya, im sorry, about that, i just have to get things off my shoulder thats been on mind a while
ya, of course, well if u like too... im so sorry, sorry, sorry.... i had to say soemthing, or it will haunt my mind, the what if question.... now i feel like a idoit, but idiot with that off my chest
>>i understand...dont feel like a idiot...i understand
>its my new aproach for the end of the year, now i just got to get one other thing done, and i will nothing on mind..
but i do fell like an idiot, i just confess this to u threw msn, instead of in person, omg i going to feel so awkard aroung u torommow, i should of waited till the last day of school
>>the way i look at is...things are only awckward if u let them be...and i am very good at making sure that they are not
>well i let them be, thats why i dont say anything, well maybe until im drunk, or the other person is, then i wont remember, or they won't...i m really bad at omitting stuff like this.....
>>salright
>ahhh..... the things i want to say to ppl, can really drive a person nuts.....
im just really sorry about it... (bowing head in apologizement)
god, i do say sorry alot, and make it feel its like a big thing.....when it doesnt have to be....
>>just forget about it
>now im going to make it a little more awkward.... it was either to tell u, or kiss u doing the last class in auditom.......(sweat drop with really awkward smile) and i dont think i could be taht brave....
>>no offence intended...but i am glad u shose to not go with the "kiss" thing...this plan was much better
getting this off my shoulder b4 end of the school year says:
none taking......good, i really would felt like an idiot, and would of embrassed u... and really i dont want to do that....
>can we keep this between us.....? i dont want to make u embrassed anymore....
>>no prob...but now i have to go...talk to ya later
>k

> >>1. My name:
> >>2. Where did we meet?
> >>3. Take a stab at my middle name:
> >>4. How long have you known me?
> >>5. How well do you know me?
> >>6. Do I smoke?
> >>7. Do I believe in God?
> >>8. When you first saw me, what was your impression?
> >>9. My age?
> >>10. My birthday?
> >>11. Hair colour?
> >>12. Eye colour?
> >>13. Am I tall or short or average?
> >>14. Do I have any siblings?
> >>15. (if ur opp. sex answer) Have you ever had a crush on me?
> >>16. (if ur same sex answer) Have you ever been jealous of me?
PLEASE EXPLAIN WITH DETAILS:
> >>17. Who am I in love with?
> >>18. What is one of my favourite things to do?
> >>19. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
> >>20. What's your funniest memory of me?
> >>21. What's my favourite type of music?
> >>22. What is my best feature?
> >>23. What is my worst feature?
> >>24. Do you look up or down on me... as a person?
> >>25. Do you think I have morals and values?
> >>27. Am I shy or outgoing?
> >>28. Can you picture me dancing?
> >>29. Can you picture being with me just as friends?
> >>31. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?
> >>32. Do I have any special talents?
> >>33. What's my best accomplishment?
> >>34. Would you consider me a friend?
> >>35. Would you call me...(Check all that apply): Preppy { } Slutty { }A homie { } Average { } Sporty { } Punk { } Hippie { } Glam { } nerdy { } Snobby { } anything else? name it....................................................
> >>36. Have you ever seen or heard me cry?
> >>37. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?
> >>38. What is your favourite thing to do with me?
> >>39. Do I drink alcohol?
> >>40. Do I do drugs?
> >>41. Have I ever been there for you?
> >>42. Am I fun to be with?
> >>43. Am I smart?
> >>44. Am I conservative or exuberant?
> >>45. Do ya love me as a friend?
> >>46. Name one way I have changed your life or made an impact in it:
> >>47. (if ur opp. sex answer) Would you kiss me?
> >>48. (if ur opp. sex answer) Would you go out with me if I asked you?
> >>49. If I could meet anyone dead or alive, who would it be?
> >>50. Where do you see me in 10 years time?

The sky was filled with noise of airplanes coming and going. It was no longer no better inside-people chatted amongst themselves, some rushed to catch their planes, as Sarah waited to get her car. She came home a day early, attempting to avoid her painfully nagging editor. She just wanted to return home, and relax.
“Are … are you Sarah Blades?” a little girl no older then ten was standing next to her with joy in her eyes. “Will… will you sign my book?” she inquired, holding out one of Sarah’s children books.
Sarah just smiled and took out a pen to sign the book. As the little girl hand over the book, Sarah noticed which one it was. She was stunned—it was the first book she wrote, and the unsuccessful one. “There you go. If I may ask, why do you like reading this book, sweetheart?”
The little girl just looked at her, like she should have known the answer to that. “I thought you would know, you talk about it all throughout the book. It’s like I can sit myself down and just see everything in life. Well, I have to go, there’s my mommy. Bye Miss Blades.” As she ran towards her mother, Sarah started to wave back, but the little girl was out of sight. Sarah wondered what the little girl meant, ‘all through the book.’
Sarah can remember when she was that age, even younger. How she didn’t really grow-up with a loving mother and father, she didn’t have any siblings, she was just an only child. (Sarah had a memory pop up in her mine.)
How I dread hearing my parents fight in the next room, screaming, the holes walls, and every so often the police at our door. The nice officers knew who I was, by heart.  And as always they knew how to cheer me up every time. I enjoyed going out and getting ice cream with the officers, but when I got back and saw the mess, all I could think of was ‘it was my entire fault’.
My parents divorced when I was six, and being an unwanted child to my father, my mom got custody of me. For a whole year we lived with my grandparents. Three months before my seventh birthday we moved out to the next town 85 miles away. My mother first got a job at the local golf course on my seventh birthday, and because we were new, my mother brought me with her on her first day of work. I hated to go with her, because she always put me to work too.
I never wanted to go to work with her, we had to get up every morning around 6 a.m. and head off to the golf course, clean up the kitchen area, and prepare for the day’s customers. Then she would send me off to school. My teacher was surprised at how good I was in math, and spelling.
Sarah was snap backed into now when she heard someone calling her. “Miss Blades, hello, Miss Blades your car is ready.” A young man said as he put the keys into her hands. Sarah blushes in embarrassment, as the young man was calling her name for five minutes now. “Thank, you. Can you help me put those bags in the trunk?” After he helped her with her bags, Sarah tipped him, and got into the car. She needed to go somewhere to go to relax without her editor knowing she was in town early. Then she remembers one place she would go to all the time; she could remember how she found that place. She sped off towards the place where she knew she could be relaxed.
It was one day, when my mom forgot to pick me up at school; I walked to the golf course, where I knew she would be. (Growing up, she was hardly ever home; she would work fifteen hours a day; I have believed she was trying to avoid me.) I knew the golf course like the back of my hand, so I knew there were shortcuts through the grove of woods. I wasn’t afraid to walk through the woods by day; the sunlight shone through the tree limbs and onto the pathway; but by night I wouldn’t even dare go near it, not even when I was a teenager. The walk through the woods didn’t take long; it took twenty minutes to go through it. I was finally out the woods and I notice the setting sun.
It was at the edge of the course, a cliff right next to the ocean, where the water crashed onto the rocks and drops of water hit the top edge. Crashing so loud that you couldn’t anything else. With the sun going down, the water’s surface had mist floating above it, looking like the golf course was floating in the sky. Looking towards the woods, where you could see the whole town right next to them, I could see my house clearly. Then, I didn’t have words to describe it, but now I would say it was like a small piece of heaven. I decided to make this was going to be my secret spot, whenever I needed a boost or just to relax from whatever stress that came my way.
I stood there awhile just looking it all, when I realized where I was going and whom I was getting. I ran to the main building, where my mother would have been.
Sarah stop her memory to lifted her head to see the sign saying that she wasn’t 130 miles away to where she was heading. The unanswered question still floated in her head, what did the little girl mean? That little girl seemed so happy with her mother, I hope she stays that way when she grows older, unlike I did. I didn’t get much attention even after my 16th birthday.
The morning of my 16th birthday, I was surprise to find a warm breakfast and my mother waiting for me in the kitchen. “Happy Birthday, Sarah” as she push a present across the table to open, “I know how much time we haven’t been spending together; but I took the time off of work, and we can spend all day together!” she said with a smile. I never did see that smile again.
“Really! Great, I have so much I wanted to do with you for so long, I …” but I was interpreted when the phone rang. Mom picked up the phone and started to argue with the person on the other line; I knew our plans were destroyed, and now I would grow further away from her. “Oh honey, I’m sorry but I have to cancel today’s plan; A few of the workers are sick, and they’re calling people in to take some of their shifts” she leaded over and try to kiss my forehead, but I moved my head out of the way. “Find. Whatever. You wrath work then spend time with your own flesh and blood” I picked up the present and ran into my room, slamming the door.
I lay in my bed crying when I heard my mother leave the house. I stayed that way for a few hours. When I finally sat up, I notice the present at the end of the bed. “ I wonder what present she got me” as I had picked up the gift and shook it around for a minute. My mind got the better of me, and so I started to undo the wrapping paper. When everything was off the gift, I slowly open the box to find three things inside: a book called ‘Little Women’. Second was empty book with a feather pen inside it, and third was a tape with a title ‘play me’ written on it. So I put the tape in the tape player and listen to what my mom had said.
‘Happy Birthday Sarah, these gifts I given you, are to help you with your story writing. From talking to your teachers and friends, I learned you love to write little short stories. ‘Little Women’ I believe the author would inspire you to write more. The book with the feather pen, is me wanting you to continue write your heart out, and that I believe in you so much.’
Sarah’s eyes were in tears now; she acted so mean to her mother earlier. She want to go over and apologies, she was just a little upset that her mother needed to go to work instead being with her. So she decided to go see her mother at the golf course. Sarah was there within the hour and went straight to dinning room, where her mom mostly worked.
“Andy, is my mother here? I wanted to talk to her.” Sarah asked one of the other waiters. “Happy Birthday Sarah. No, I haven’t seen her.” He wonders why she had asked, “I thought she took the day off to spend time with you?” “She said that a few workers were sick today and they need extra hands to come in, can you check please” as she asked Andy with a little worried her eyes. “Hold on, let me go check the shift lodge.”
Andy was back in a few minutes shaking his head, “Sorry Sarah, she didn’t sign into the book; even if she had to come in, she would have to sign in the book.” Sarah just stared at him in disbelief ‘No, no, that can’t be… why would she lied to me.’ Sarah couldn’t take it anymore, she just ran, running from it all. Running home first grabbing the things her mother had given her.
She return to the golf course at the edge off the water, were she threw the tape into the water. Screaming ‘I hate you, I hate you.’
Sarah couldn’t take the memories anymore, she pull over the side and started to bald her eyes out. She step out of her car, and when she did, the car passing by nearly had hit her. Sarah was so scared that she jump back into the car, she decided she shouldn’t had stop so close to the road, and that she’ll go to the next restroom stop. About 20 minutes later she drove into the restroom stop, were she shut the car off and finish her crying, which eventually made her fall asleep.
Sarah dreamt about her little memories, how she never went home that night. She just to sat there, writing in the book, her first story. She didn’t bother writing about how mad she felt towards her mother, it would ruin the perfect moment at her special calming spot. She wrote about where she was sitting, how special it was. She made up a story on how the spot was once a castle sat there, with a princess who run along the edge and sitting there watching little sea creatures jumping around to greet their little princess of the sea. Most on how the princess loves the spot, and that describe of it.
Sarah had believed that there were creature living there, calling her back to the sea; that she was their little princess who went missing. She felt that way when she first discovered this place.
A knock on her car window awoken Sarah “Miss are you alright? You know that you can’t sleep in the restroom parking lot.” Some man was saying as he had tapped on the window again. “Ok, ok I heard you, I’m up, and I’ll leave now.” Sarah had said in a little annoyed voice. She sat up in the car, started and backed out of the restroom parking lot and left. She continues her way on the highway, when she notices she wasn’t that far away from the little town, within the next 10 minutes she would be there. Her dream was so peaceful; it answers only part of what the little girl meant; but she needs to what know it all means.
The town had change since Sarah last seen it. There were new built houses, got rid of some main building on the main street, and they added a few cross walks; but Sarah could still get around. She would go visit her mother and stepfather later, after she saw her secret spot. She drove up to the gates of the golf course, which were closed, and had a sign attach saying ‘Private…. Enter and be ready to shot at.’ That sign won’t stop her to see her spot for a last time. (Flash back)
At the age of 18 now Sarah couldn’t wait till her college year to start, she spent the last two and half years mad her mother. She didn’t even know that Sarah wasn’t home; she even pretended that she was at work. The week after Sarah’s mother brought home her new boyfriend. The guy, Sarah believed her mom went to go see, instead being with her. Now her mother was engaged to that man, and had ask Sarah to be her mother’s bridesmaid, but Sarah had other plans, to leave before the wedding was to start and she did that. This was the last time Sarah saw her mother. She heard from a friend that man hit it rich and bought a lot of land. (Flash back to relate)
Sarah parked her car right next to the woods, were the pathway was still at. She plans to quickly enter the woods and towards the cliff before the owner of the place saw her. She had to walk threw the woods fast, the night sky was minutes away, and Sarah wouldn’t be able to see anything after this time. Sarah ran as fast as she could, and after she was out of the woods, she quietly got her breath, when she looked up.
It was still as beautiful when Sarah first saw it; she stood there for a few minutes. Sarah stared out into the sea and down at the cliff, she didn’t hear the man with a rifle and his wife at his side, yelling at her. “Why are you here on my land” the man of 45 years try to shout at her. As the man got closure he reached out to touch the young lady that was his private land.
The moment he put his hand on her shoulder he straddle her, and maybe if Sarah saw the rifle in the man’s hand, then she won’t had reacted into her defenses, which made the man pull the trigger. Within seconds the man’s rifle went off and Sarah was wounded.
She had back up few step, which her lose her balance and fall off the cliff. As she felled off the cliff, her wound spilled a blood trail going down. Sarah looked up to see her mother trying to grab her arm, yelling her name. The man that had shouted her in the stomach was her stepfather, and the land she was on, was theirs.

bella, omg it was so funny when u booted with Jesse,Chris, and Jade(?).... they let Gidget to chug most of the beer can....., Gidget got fined, so we left to fine u guys, and stop at the thing near the resturant...i hope u know what im talking about, where we went for the bathroom before we went to get the beer. well, there he caught Gidget again, but this time he didnt bother finning him.

Jade was talking how he hated Crista...spell right? and how he wanted to squeeze her head to death. i had to jump in at this point, say that i got two baseball bats, and if two people go on either side of her, and swing at the same time, we would smash her brains out onto the ceiling. lmao

its fucking late, im tired, im going to bed, ya i just got in sometime ago (30 mins) coming back from gidgets place

that was one of the most kick ass nites i had for such a long while.... i been to a few bush parties in my days living down home, but this one was awesome...

in the middle of the woods, pitch black, everyone around u, u can't see... getting nicely drunk ( i didn't but still had a good time). met more new people, resaw old friends.... and the funnest time trying to leave the wood just after midnight was hilarous in tryin to do.

we got to do this again before Bella leaves again.

i gradlates everyone who didn't piss on themselves when they had to take a leak.....

so many people, ruffly around 30 people at the nite....

i know, forgot that guys name again, but he was totally hot, in the dark and by firelight, a little quiet, but he seem awesome...

got to make this clear, I am NOT cool.... i am a total loser, three people said that, and i only agree with BELLA. jesse and that chick, they were so damn drunk/drug i really doubt want they were saying

Jesse, one day i will get hit by a bus, but unfortally, u wont be round to see it...

to tired to write more...will later

Oh k, this is a story that i did for a class assignment, and really gave it a crappy ending, i want to add more later, but i been too busy....


“Mrs. Lui really needs to get control her class” Daria said as she slowly put her greasy, short cut, black silky head down on the lab table, and covered her ears. “How can a person think about anything with a racked like this. I can’t hear myself think about death, revenge, and my next drama play, when we have annoying crows as classmates!” Daria lifted her head and tilted her head in the direction of her best friend. “Hey, Sarah, weren’t you even listening at all to me?”

“Ya, ya, ya I heard you, annoying crows as classmates, death, revenge, and your next drama play. Daria, hell, you say this every chemistry class, and everyday I tell you they’re not annoying crows, but ravens. Ravens with peering eyes watching all our moves. They don’t like to think on their own, so the watch us, do the opposite and act cool about it; like they didn’t get it from Seventeen or something.” Sarah replied as she finished writing a few more words in her private diary.

Not even Daria, her best friend since kindergarten had read any of her diaries. Since sixth grade, Sarah had a diary to write into. Each diary had it’s own mystery to it, which she only knew about. She writes her stories of fantasy, poems, thoughts of life, the raven peering eyes classmate, or conversations with classmates she would never say to in reality.

(Mean while during Sarah and Daria’s conversation, Mrs. Lui tried to calm the loud, over populated class of students, in her first period Chemistry.)

“Students, students … now please quiet down, I have a few announcements for you to hear” the 55 year old lonely lady with a heart problem, said. “While find then, you won’t hear me introduce your two new classmates.” A girl with long brown hair in pigtails, thin and 5’7 in height, a great addition for the cheerleading team; and then there was the guy, 6’2 in height, blonde hair, and that looked kind of gothic-punk type. There’re a few in the school, well only Sarah and Daria were gothic-punk. “This is Miss Jessica Slenders and Mr. …” an unexpected fire alarm went off, and the students got up from their lab areas and retreated for the door.

Second period was visual arts for Sarah, one of Sarah’s favorite classes, but unannounced assemble in the school’s gym was called to. The assemble turn out to be a lecture for wrongful use of the fire alarm, and ‘The firefighters come here, for a false fire blah, blah, blah and the wrongful doers will get a heavily punishment.’ said Mr. Anshole, the principle talked to the students about. By the time assemble was over, it was lunch.

Sliverville High School’s library wasn’t the popular spot to hang out at, but Sarah and Daria spent their lunch in there. No one really came in, a few nerds here and there; it was a place Sarah and Daria’s own hangout.
“So, what do you think about my idea for school’s play?” Daria said as she slides papers across the table towards Sarah. Sarah glance up from her diary and looked at Daria’s play papers. She picked up them up and started to read, a few minutes later she put the papers down and slide them back to Daria. She went back to writing in her dairy.
“First thing, get ride of the teen love suicides ideas, it’s to much ‘Romeo and Juliet’ crap, and put in a comedy ending, or other wise the school will reject you play and get you to see that councilor again.” Sarah looked up from her diary and pushes it to the side.
Daria wanted to say something back, but the minute she open her mouth, the bell rang, and Sarah was already packing her stuff up, except for her diary. Both girls rush to pack their books together, got up and left the library. Across the room, a tall blondish guy’s head popped out from shelves of books and look towards where Sarah’s diary lay.

Half way to their next class Sarah just realized something “Oh shit!! Daria, I left my dairy in the library.” as she grab Daria’s arm, as to stop her. “We have to go back and go get it.”
“Get it after class, it’s not like anyone really thinks to go into the library anyways. Besides I want to see what argument you and Mr. Samson start up today in English.” Daria giggled. Daria hated any emotion; only in 12th grade English did she ever should any emotion, when Sarah gave arguments with Mr. Samson, their teacher.

Sarah looked at Daria and realized she was right. Besides the speech, as she like to think of it, she had planned for Mr. Samson was clawing her mine to come out.

When class was over, Sarah walked out with a huge smile on her face, she actually made Mr. Samson speechless, but with a price. Starting next week, a whole week of detention. This was Sarah’s spare period, so she headed back to the library to pick up her diary, where she had left it. She had to record this afternoon’s achievement. She walked into the library and headed to table where Daria and her were sitting earlier.

Sarah didn’t see her diary, where she had left it, but in a cubicle, wide open, where the new guy was sitting down at, reading it. He was reading her private diary, her private thoughts and that made Sarah really mad; and you can see her clenching her fist together in angry.
The new guy’s back was toward her, so Sarah slowly walked up behind him, and bends down, lean closet to his ear and whisper “What do you think your doing? Jackass”

Before Sarah had a chance to say anything else, the new guy jumps up “Jesus Christ. You scared the crap out of me,” he said.

“Well good” with a smirk on her face “that will remind you not to read my private diary.” Sarah told him, as she went to grab her book. But a larger hand, then hers, stop her from taking the diary.

“HEY, I’m not done reading this. Next time don’t leave your stuff lying around like that. You don’t know what kind of weirdo would pick it up. You’ll get it back when I’m finish and till then …” he came closet to her face and lean towards her ear “you really have to work on your people skills. Oh, and the name is Von Alan.” He then walked off with her diary and left Sarah swearing under her breathes.

Later that night Sarah paces back and forth her basement bedroom talking on the phone with Daria. “What am I going to do? That bastard took my diary and won’t give it back until he’s done reading it. You know me, I’m never without my diary, and how can I last without it, when I know it’s in the hands of someone else. What if photocopies some things in there and post it around school? AHHHH, I should just, I don’t know do something about it.”
“Wow, I never heard you like this before, this is really freaking you out.” Daria finally got to put in a few words in.
“Well ya, of course I am, what do you expect me to act like.”
“Chill…. Try to go to bed, you’ll see him tomorrow and then he’ll meet his doom. This is going to be more interesting to see. Well I got to go now, see you tomorrow. And one more thing… you so think he’s hot” Sarah hung up the phone before Daria could finish that last sentence.


Dear: Diary February 22nd, 1995

Alone, I’m alone in this world, not knowing why I am here. My blackouts I can hear all angry voices.
Why do I ask myself questions, when I don't have the answers? “Life’s so difficult.” Feeling the emptiness inside, like walking dead, not really caring who or what comes to me. 

Native American Ten Commandments

Treat the Earth and all that dwell thereon with respect!

Remain close to the Great Spirit.

Show great respect for your fellow beings.

Work together for the benefit of all mankind!

Give assistance and kindness wherever needed.

Do what you know to be right.

Look after the well-being of mind and body.

Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater good.

Be truthful and honest at all times.

Take full responsibility for your actions.

This week went by to fucking slow! thank god it finish yesturday.... I love the rain that pours outside my window, the fact that cars skid across the wet pavement. well not for that reason; the rain for a fact can hide the tears i want to let out, but can never infront of others......
my mother creeped me out yesturday, she start to say how nice Ted is and all, and was going to offer him a new book bag, bought a new toothbrush for him to keep here when ever he's here, and She said YES for him to stayt over, yessssss. only down fall was that she also stay home, and he had to sleep in the other room....

oh k people, i need great sex postions to try out! Got any ideas, send them to me, and please get a little graphic if u must.... im a dumbass, and i need a mental picture on what to do...lamo

Too chicken even to ask you
Face to face rejections is hard to take
But I need to get this off my shoulders
Before end of the school year

Half the year has gone by
And yet here I am
Only omitting now how I feel

Not quite sure how or why
But I know when I realized
I’ll always believe you won’t feel the same

I can’t say its love,
That is meant for two people with the same feelings for one another
( I know the difference, just looking at my friends)
We don’t know each other, or barley

Only seeing each other in the halls and stairs
But somehow that makes me like you

When I see you,
( You walk with an emotionless face; can’t tell what you think)
Determined that’s its hopeless; he’ll won’t like you back
But I’ll try any ways; it’s not going to kill me
So here it goes...

I like you,
Not going to pass that
What I know could be ruff territory
To ask for a smile or a date
That’s asking for too much
Just wanted you to know on how I feel...

Please don’t mention this to your friends or anyone
I just want you to know how I feel and no other should know

I don’t want pity,
Or a weird glance of disguise
I don’t want to be a bother to you...
Hell with my luck, your girlfriend
I just need to get this off my shoulders
Before the end of the school year

This is the worst fucking day in my life....
this has happen between 5-9pm, May,15, 2004
hi,
it's just i couldn't take it anymore at AuntAnna's because of cousin Brandon. Brandon was acting up, asking me with million and one questions about stupid things, i was trying to do some of my homework. He asked me if oral sex counted as sex, and if it did, it meant that he's half a virgin. (what kid at 14-15yrs say those fucking things)

he kept bugging, and he got into reglious shit, that whats in the Bible is right (even thou they were written years after what happen) the he start asking questions about my friends, and said that they were going to hell... etc because they are gothic and all that. he started to dish out my friends, and that the fact their were some who where bi-sexual/gay/lesbian... and then about my friend Ted...
who the fuck does he think he is, you fucking say shit about my boyfriend, or any friends, you better fucking watch out.

so i told him to leave me alone, so i went into his room to play one of the video games and he followed me. he then he said that he had to finish off his game before i can get on.... but he wont get off. i hide the games, but because Tommy saw where i hide it, Brandon found it. so when he left his room again, i went back in and got his memory card for the games. i wanted to hit him so fucking bad, i grip my wrist to fucking point that i could have drawn out blood. if i did touched him, i would get arrested for child abuse. and i didnt want that to happen.
a while after, i got pissed off because he started to accuse me racist, sexes, discriminative to him, and a few other things; because i couldn't take his jokes. so i picked all his games, turn off the stupid PS2 and took it all away because he was getting punish for saying that shit. he got really piss off, and went up stairs to grab the phone. he threaten to call the police because i stolled his stuff, and that i will get arrested for doing that.

i told to fuck off, that the cops would tell him to grow up, that they won't come here for a stupid reason like that. then he says he called his mother, (which he won't let me talk to her about this) accusing me that i forces into another room by a candy trail, where i bet the shit out of him.
then he started ranting about that Anna will not take my side because she's his mother. That he controls his mother, so what ever he says goes with her. That shes weak and prethick (spelt wrong), and that if she knew was good for her, she would take his side.

i got really piss off so i try to contract mom on msn messager. so after awhile he went into his room taking the phone, and when i asked for the phone because mom said that she's going to call, he kept playing with the phone on/off button, so she couldn't get threw.

mom told me to give me the phone or she will called the cops. he didn't lock his door, so i pushed the door open, which he force backed. i did it again, and i out strenght him and got into the room. he started to push me into the wall, calling me all these fucking names, trying to push me out of the room. i push back from him, trying to breath a little, and push me back again. Again i tried to get to the phone on my bed, and i push him hard enough that i was able to grab the phone before he threw me out of his room. he was so hard at pushing me, that he hit my knee where i already have problems with because earlier this week.
he bent my glasses a little, thank god my glasses are bend-able thou, so i was able to fix them, and thats when mom got ahold of me. i told her what all happen. i keep talking to her till his grandfather came to pick him up

he was being an ass, and wont leave if i didnt give him, his memory card. so i gave it to him, to get going, that his grandfather is waiting for him. he took 20-30mins walkling around the house, pretending he had to get something. then he left giving me this bad llok on his face.

never ever ever, will i babysit Anna's kids again. he took everything to far, i don't mine if tommy or william act up, they are little small boys i can take care off. but when a former hockey player (he played between (7-13)), a 6" high, about 200lbs. kid gets in a piss off mood at you, its hard to make sure he won't kill/hurt you so bad that i can be put into the hostipal, no way....

i really dont need shit like this, she pays crappy and it's so much stress on me. not only does william have to be put into army boot camp, his brother Brandon needs too and get angry management.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got such retarded family memebers. why am i related to them

Ok people, if this sounds fucked up, it just means i've gone crazy and retard watching my asshole cousins.

The elephant's head is like the male organ (testicals and penis).
When the elephant's trunks goes straight up in the air, it sometimes sprays out water, all over it self. The same with the penis, when erect and gives off an orgasm, the penis sprays out/ glushes a fluid of cum (either all over the penis or the parther).

The elephant's ear are like the testicals (balls). When the male testical get play around they wiggle around because they're so senstive. As the same with elephant's ears, when the elephants get to senstive, the elephant twist and turn its head to stop irration.

In pain, sorrow, happiness, death or birth makes a person cry, showing their emotions. Some people would break down, and cries, allowing others to see how they feel. Another group holds it all in till they're alone and cry in peace.

What about the third group? Do they cry at all? Or have they lost all their emotions to cry? Have they cried so much (public or not) that no matter what they feel, they can't cry anymore?

The last question is where do I fit in? I know it seems like it can't happen, but it can. One of the last times I cried was when at my uncle's funeral. I cried only because I miss out on knowing him, and my brother lost a godfather. I knew I stop crying because later on my grandmother died; I was the only one with dry tears, unlike my relatives.

I can't be heartless. I do have feeling of pain, sorrow, and happiness. I just can't show them like other people.

To dream,
Alone during the night
Where my soul is at peace
Where the world can’t hurt me
Where there’s no tear in my eyes

To dream,
Of a sky full of sparkling diamonds
Over the sea
Winds breaths through my hair
The sent of rose petals
To dream, to dream

To dream,
Of a man who will hold me
With skin so soft that
Blood rushes to smiling face
A dream with a terrible ending
A tall dark figure stands before me
And I only know where I am
A rush of air blows me off
Away, away
Into a dark deep blue sea

Ah…
I wake with tears down my cheeks
Back in the real world
From the window I hear the sounds
Of the distracting noisy cars
And dispersed people running to
Their depressed lives

To dream again, to dream again
Of a perfect world

you know who you are, so fuck helling with you
i hate you for everything, i wish you to hell and back, a million times...... you cause me so much pain, that i can never recover from.... it's to late to say your sorry, the damage is done, and the past can't never change.
your like a diease that I can't get rid of. slowly appear seeming so harmless, and when its to late , you have twisted and devour every emotion out of me.

day in and day out, you feed your lies to me and the others. well guess what, we aren't stupid, we can figure things out if we put all the clues together. telling one of us one thing, and then changing it around to tell the others, is a stupid thing to do. think before you open your mouth, keep your stories straight.

i'm not sorry i'm not perfect; but what is perfect anyways? is it the image of you, well hell NO!!, for crisesakes Barbie isn't perfect, so why should you claim you are.....
i'm sorry that you can't really open your eyes and hear well; to bitchy to care what others say, it has to be always what you want to hear
i feel sorry for you